How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
