is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize