her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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