I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
