so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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