Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
