Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
