just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
