we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
