Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
