I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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