I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I touched a dick in church today
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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