New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
