she was so not down for the gang bang
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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