Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
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You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
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He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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