I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
