More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
