marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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