True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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