Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
