I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
