jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
