You're a womanizer and a bitch.
kristin has been a bad kristin
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
