Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
