Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
