At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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