My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Holy sore nipples Batman
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize