I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dignity is for republicans.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just pee around me
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
