I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
