Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
