wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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