what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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