Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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