he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
