Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
