If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize