My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
