Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
