college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
