I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
