i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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