Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
