pedialite and red bull = repair kit
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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