Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
