I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
