What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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