we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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