I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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