Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
