I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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