I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
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Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
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"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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