So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
