my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
