If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This is the high leading the old right now
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
