So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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