Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
