I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
false alarm. still invincible.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
