So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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