Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
my poor anus
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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