My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
