well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
