I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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