It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
