I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
is wine microwaveable?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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