I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
