Where is the hickey?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm at about main and main street
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
