if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
