she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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