I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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