she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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