i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
