well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
