Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
