Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
