You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
