The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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