the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
