Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
