just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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