Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
