That's intense
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
