I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
