i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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