Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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