I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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