why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
