Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
40s are totally the cure
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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